Decisions

Was the decision the correct one? I have to ask myself this question and then I start to question that decision.

A number of weeks ago the decision was made to move my Mom into an Alzheimers Care Unit. That decision also reflected that we were splitting up my Mom from my Dad. It was not an easy decision but my Dad was the one that eventually agreed to this because he knew he could no longer take care of Mom in the Assisted Living apartment they were in. She was in need of special care and this new home would give this to her.

Since we have done this Dad is having a hard time accepting the fact that Mom is elsewhere. I take Dad to see Mom almost every day. Every day it is the same thing. He will sit there beside her and not say anything and will start crying. He tells her he is sorry and then keeps saying over and over that he loves her. Sometimes I think that Mom understands and then there are days I have to wonder. When I sit with her I will make small talk and just let her say whatever she wants to say. Just conversation that doesn't have to mean anything. We end up being there about 30 to 45 minutes and then Dad will want to leave.

Today was the worst day that we have experienced with this. Dad only lasted about 20 minutes and then he just started sobbing uncontrollably and so he and I went outside and he told me that he wanted her back so he could take care of her. How am I supposed to react to this. I told him Mom was in a spot where she needed to be and she is getting the help she needs. Taking her back to the Apartment just wouldn't work. I have to question myself then by saying did we do the right thing? What if I got Hospice to come in and stay with her? Would that be enough? Then my next question is would Dad be able to handle the process of the Alzheimers getting further along?

I am getting close to my wits end. My physical problems are not going away and I am looking at surgery possibly this next month. Can I keep going and keep Dad going and stay strong for him. I am finding now that I will just sit at home and eat and I know that isn't good. No exercise, I am not playing the game I love very often anymore. I do well when I play and it does help to keep my mind off of the problems at hand but then the quilt starts because then I am not focused on Mom and Dad. I just don't know what to do? I know that if I could run away I would do it but it takes money to run away. Then again running from your issues doesn't help either. Somehow I need to solve this.

I wish there was an easy answer to this but I know there isn't and I need to stay positive but that is hard as well. We do have an evaluation coming up for Mom with DSHS and the care she is getting. Maybe if Dad went with me to this he would hear the things that they are doing for her and then he might understand why she is there. Or maybe not understand and he goes in saying he wants her back at the apartment. Then what? I can't be there for the care she needs just because he wants her there. Ok, now I am rambling.

Maybe the next post will be about poker.