Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Day Before

I can remember as a kid the "The Day Before". It was the time that we were going somewhere or doing something that was going to be fun or important as a child. The feeling of excitement you felt and you wanted the time to hurry up and get there. Hurry up time, tomorrow is the last day of school! Hurry up time, tomorrow is graduation! Hurry up time, tomorrow is the wedding! Do you remember those days?

Now that I am older it seems to be the other way now. Even though I would like time to hurry I really don't want time to go too fast. Now I am concerned with the future and what it brings.

Today is "The Day Before" my surgery that I have been looking for for some time. I have been in pain now since August and the decision now to go and fix this issue has now come time. I spent my time in getting the CT's, the X-Rays and doing the Physical Therapy. I did have the injection done to see if the steroid would help the spine and get the nerve to settle down. The decision was then made that we have done all of what could be done and it was time to let the surgeon take care of this.

Then why do I feel glad that it will be done and then on the other side I am very nervous and, I don't want to say scared, but vulnerable. This will be my 3rd actual surgery and will be the longest under anaesthesia.

The first time I had surgery was my foot. The doctor went in and replaced a joint in my toe to help me be pain free. Well, it didn't help and I still have pain in that joint. He said that when he was working on the joint that he had to spend some extra time taking care of some stuff around the joint area. I don't think I felt so vulnerable for that one. It was my first time in the operating room but I felt good about the time going in.

The second time was, I guess, considered a minor surgery procedure. I had a Kidney Stone that would not pass and the doctor had to go in and break it up so it would pass. I did have to spend some hospital time and that was fine. The doctor told me that he found an extra problem and that took him some extra time but he was unable to fix and will leave that for another surgery. That still has not been taken care of and I don't know if it will be done. Dealing with the Prostate won't be a good thing for me.

This now will be the third surgery and will entail the surgeon making an incision in my neck and moving all of the important parts to get to the spine of C6 and C7. The doctor will be putting bone between the two and will put 4 screws in to hold a plate on both of them. I know this will remove the pain and the numbness I feel in my hand. I know this will make me feel better and get back to do the things I need and want to do. I will be able to sit in chairs and stand for periods of time without the pain in the shoulder and arm. I hopefully will be able to pick things up and hold what is dear to me. To be able to roll on my side and sleep the way I want.

Then why am I feeling so vulnerable? I might even use the word scared. Ok, I said it. Thoughts keep running through my mind. I will be intubated for this procedure because of where the doctor will be working. I guess I am worried because of the extra that always seems to pop up when the physician is working on my body. What will she find this time? Will I be fine? Will I have to spend extra time on the ventilator? Thoughts keep running.

Ok, here we are at the "The Day Before". I can't say there is excitement in the air but I do know it needs to be done. Today I will spend time preparing my mind to accept this and know on Thursday afternoon I will be in the hospital bed in my room and will be doing fine. That everything that has happened up to this point has been taken care of and was done correctly. I trust the surgeon and those around me. That is all I can do.

I am going back to bed to try and get some more sleep this morning. These are my thoughts on "The Day Before". I love my family and friends.

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